This is not Real?

This is how I picture a conversation between Bibi and 10,000 French Jews who want to immigrate to Israel.

10,000 French Jews frantically talking to each other: France is too dangerous, they clamor.  Bibi parachutes down to the middle of the crowd, for whatever reason he has a lisp.

Bibi: Fear not French Juice, the land of Zion and the Israeli people welcomes you!

10,000 F.J.:  They do?

Bibi: well yes, of course, what do you think we’ve been doing for the last 67 years?

1 of the 10,000 F.J. speaks up: But don’t you have more Arabs over there?

Bibi:  yes, there are more Arabs, but it is wonderful for Juices.

10,000 F.J. speaks up:  But More Arabs?  It’s not possible, we leave a place with less Arab to go to a place with more Arab? How is this safer?

Bibi: you really want me to explain it you..really

10,000 F.J: eh, wee.

Bibi: you know you can google it, right (sighs) okay a Juice in Israel is very Special. look 93% of the Israeli land cannot be sold to Arabs. It’s forbidden by the Law.

10,000 F.J: oooh by Law

Bibi: you come over here, we can provide you with a villa in West Bank or Galilee, overlooking a beautiful marshes or a lake, and some roads only Juice are allowed to drive on.

10,000 F.J: only us….

Bibi: or if you like, how do you say, retro buildings, we can arrange a flat in the Eastern part of Jerusalem, within one mile of the wailing wall, you can wail all day long nobody can say anything to you.

10,000 F.J: but isn’t there a lot of Arab Israelis in East Jerusalem? They are citizens too?

Bibi: I vay…look I have a perfect job for you, at the building department oh you would have so much fun. Arabs always applying for building permits, but we don’t give Arab any permits. no permit, really, not one Arab town has been built since 1967, we built 700 hundred…so yeah some Arabs are citizen but you are always special, special education, special loans, special infrastructure, special disco, hummus for you, falafel for you, you don’t even have to wait in line in the super market, you show them your Special and ID and you cut in line over any Arab. Trust me it’s really a beautiful place for us Juices.

1 out of 1,000 F.J: Messier Bibi, my wife is Plastina, can I still come to Israel?

Bibi: eh, you can come, but ehmm…see under the 2003 policy for “family unification” your wife can’t come and live with you in Israel, it’s the law.

1 out of 1,000 F.J: Messier Bibi, what about my child…

Bibi: eh, it’s getting a bit awkward, you really spoiling the upbeat mood here.

10,000 F.J: no impossible…many of our wives are not Jews, we can’t leave zem here

Bibi: again, let me explain, the law only applies for Arab spouses

10,000 F.J: ahhhh….but what about terrorism? It is still not safe?

Bibi: well this is the best part, when you become an Israeli Citizen you must serve in the army, so first time in your life we train you to shoot an Arab.

10,000 F.J: oh, we must join the Army?

Bibi: well, yes, if you are 18 or older. but it;s really a positive experience, build moral. Look, it’s not bad, let us say some Arab make terrorism, lets say if they kill only 1 Juice, okay, just 1. We all get together and kill as many Arabs as we can.

10,00 F.J: but dats is not good, no?

Bibi: we will train you on anything you like. So some of you will get to Kill Arab with airplanes, some would kill Arab with tanks, machine guns, hand Grenade, you can throw sulfuric acid on them from the Sky, or or shoot them with joystick with drones, or if you like you can vacuum bombs, look you can pick whatever tool you would like, but preferably make it modern, no pitch forks, and no nukes yet. And, the women and children can watch from safe distance and can scream Mazel Tov!

10,00 F.J: we are all Charlie, weee..


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